Dear Shirley,
This is kind of new to me so I am not sure how to start this off. I want to be a singer. I have the talent, but not the looks. I'm not sure if the path I have chosen will be fruitful. If you were in my shoes, what would the best choice be? Should I go for it and risk being made fun of? Or should I just forget it? I know people tell me to just go for it, but honestly I think they are just trying to be nice.
Unsure Singer
Dear Unsure Singer:
You have a passion for singing and you know you are good at it. So put yourself out there and sing. Looks are temporary, but character lasts forever. There are many very talented musicians who have been successful and were not beautiful. For example, Bob Dylan and he can't even sing… Not everyone is a Brittany Spears nor does the public want another. If you feel insecure in your appearance it will affect your ability to sing. Confidence and self-assurance appeal to an audience; if you doubt your ability it will come through in your performance, whether you are performing in a live concert on stage or in the recording studio. What you really need to do is build your confidence.
Social psychology research emphasizes that early in life; perhaps even before the age of ten children begin to recognize how others react to them. Good-looking children are treated as social superiors whereas children who are deemed not to be attractive are often treated as inferior to other children (Petzer, 1985). Children conform to the opinion of those they interact with; to the point that they will change the way they dress and take care of themselves in order to adhere to the expectations of others. “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt).
Make the decision to sing or not to sing. Then stick to your commitment. Once you make your decisions the rest is easy. Take action to follow through on the goals you set. Be willing to put aside other things to excel in music.
Confidence comes from positive experiences of being successful. You have to take the risk and make the effort to develop and refine your skills. Build your confidence by committing to goals, make positive choices, be prepared, willing to practice and strive for quality in your work. Learn from your experiences and seek healthy support.
Be centered and believe in your potential to succeed. You have to know what you want. See obstacles as challenges, stay focused on achieving your goals, be mentally ready to respond to the unexpected and find positive role models. Growth occurs when you take risks. Have a game plan and follow through with a strategy.
Pure confidence comes from being grounded in who you are and knowing in your heart you are capable of doing what you want to do. You have to know yourself better than anyone else. Believe in your ability; go on and prove to others how good you really are. It is not your looks that they will see; they will feel your music and appreciate your singing capability. Let your Heart sing. Enjoy the moment and everything else will take care of itself. Remember, your overall value, as a person remains intact no matter what happens.
“Ask Shirley” questions can be focused on any topics involving life, health, fitness, mental training, competition, clinical issues or addictions. All questions will remain anonymous. Email your questions to Askshirl@gmail.com.
Shirley K. Durtschi is an Applied Sport Psychology Certified Consultant (AASP-CC), Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Chemical Dependency Counselor Supervisor (CDCS) for the State of Alaska.
