By Paddy Notar
Well, it's that time of year again. No not the Holidays. Time to hunker down with someone until the frost melts, whether they are single or not. As my friend Miss M. told me, “It's so cold and dark this stretch of the year. How do we not drink and fool around?” Well said Miss M. I've met a lot of people from every birth sign and here's what I think describes each of them, including myself. Use it wisely as you buy someone a drink or vice versa because it could make or break all the fun of winter.
Aquarius is the sign of excessive self-indulgence followed by agonizing regret. They're givers but they don't like to stay at home due to being social creatures that like to chat it up. Scorpios can make it impossible for you to get close to them. Their peaks and valleys make Alaska look flat. You hardly notice them until they feel they've been crossed. Then it's like walking with a scorpion in your shoe. They can be nasty little critters.
Pisces like to move around, can be frumpy without notice, and think of themselves as funny even though they usually aren't. They, too, can be hot tempered but Pisces are usually in the mood for a good time, as long as they have some control over it. Virgos are practical and the type of person you want with you after a car wreck. They think things through and are almost too calming while Capricorns are very giving, bossy, organized, and not much fun unless they're drunk.
Aries love to suffer and they want everyone to know about it. They're safe people but usually headstrong when it comes to their own causes. It's also better to call first than to just show up at their homes. Libras look for the good in everything and the world is kind of magical to them. They find the weirdo, on the subway to be kind of a “neat” person.
Sagittarius love to be helpful, so long as it fits into their mindless schedule. They travel to different cities for the hell of it. They're the type of people that remember birthdays. Sometimes they can be too “cheery” and indulgent. Taurus love money and being the boss. They usually have several hobbies that no one is aware of. They also don't mind getting their hands dirty. Taurus are the types that like assembling bikes or toys at Christmas.
Gemini can tell great stories or jokes but they have a tough time sticking to deadlines and finishing projects. Cancer people can go from happy to nuts in 30 seconds. They like to be at home with their family and they're usually generous people. But their moods swing with the strength of a major leaguer at home plate. Leos are always good-looking people with an “I told you so” attitude. They sweat power. If possible they like to travel with an entourage. They're also promiscuous as they tend to be insecure. I don't know why the two go together but they always seem to.
Do you think employers ask for your birthday, on a job application, just to see what sign you are? Speaking of which—can employers screen applicants for marijuana if the applicant has a right to use it for medicinal purposes? And if they do, can't they find any reason not to accept the applicant if they don't want someone on their staff who smokes? The law needs to be clarified because it doesn't address that issue at all.
Sara Palin wrote a book. I care. Is there anything we don't know about a girl from Wasilla already?
Did you know that approximately 30 percent of all people don't wash their hands after using the restroom? Probably because their restroom is next to the dumpster outside the bar.
U.S. Sen. Mark Begich makes $174,000 annually while the rest of his staff, approximately a dozen people, make a combined $161,000. Senator Murkowski makes the same salary but her staff gets approximately $1.8 million. What a second term can do.
Benjamin Franklin proposed, at the constitutional convention, that elected government officials NOT be paid for their service. Unfortunately, the majority disagreed. But between 1789 and 1855 elected officials were only paid $6 per day for their service and only when they were in session. Oh yeah, and they didn't get free healthcare, postage, cell phones, five-star restaurant meals at no charge, and their own underground subway system.
I saw a picture of thoroughbreds on the sports page of the ADN last Sunday, Nov. 8. I figured it was due to the running of the Breeders' Cup that took place the day before—that's the over $14 million dollars worth of horse races that took place at Santa Anita in Los Angeles, Cal. on Nov. 6 and 7. All of the best horses in the world showed up for it. Being a fan of the races I read the caption underneath and thought I'd see the results of the entire day. Nope. No such luck. It was a file photo of an old Belmont Stakes race where an Anchorage jockey won. Who cares? Why would you put a huge photo of horses running down the stretch, the day after the Breeders Cup, and NOT have any results of the races, anywhere in the paper. I also like having to dig three pages deep into the section in order to find pro sports. I appreciate the High School games but come on. Are you serious? There are articles all over the place about who beat who with big pictures and then you find the pro ‘box score' which has no article and is somewhere by the last page. Well thought out ADN.
Is there actually something called the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail? Really. Isn't he still alive? Why doesn't he just have himself put on a stamp while he's at it? That's nothing more than ego. Only Uncle Ted, with the airport, should be able to do that. When you bring in billions of dollars to the state or stop breathing then we'll name a trail after you. Although, walking all over it does bring satisfaction to people who didn't support him.
Did you know that the first Thanksgiving took place in San Elizario, near El Paso, 23 years before the Pilgrims' festival? Jaun De Onate celebrated a 350-mile trek with other settlers on the banks of the Rio Grande. The Pilgrims also did not land on Plymouth Rock. They landed in Provincetown. Plymouth Rock was a tale brought up by a 95 year old man over 100 years after the Mayflower landed. Somehow it stuck through time. Most likely because it was refuted during WWII when people were busy with other things. Also, turkey with cranberries was a Victorian dish in the 1800s. Pilgrims probably ate deer and they didn't have forks back then. Hell, they didn't even have dumpsters. But their religion did require that all of them had to wash up.
Enjoy the Holiday and remember—it's about giving thanks so don't act like a jerk.
