Dear Shirley:
My husband and I have two children, ages three and five. There are so many different views on how to raise our children. We want them to be smart, successful and happy people. More than anything we want to do what is really best for them. What do you think?
Invested Parents
Dear Invested Parents:
A basic debate over child development focuses on the Nature vs. Nurture Controversy. There are three primary positions. There are the Nature theorists who believe we are who we are because of the genes we were born with. The opposing faction is the Nurture theorists who claim it is our environment and everything in it that impacts whom we become. The third force compromises a combination of the two; a mix of Nature and Nurture taking into account our genetic heritage and the cultural environment exposing us to a mix of social, emotional and spiritual experiences.
Who you are and who your husband is will imprint upon your children as to who they are to become. Your values, morals, beliefs, interests and experiences will influence how your children interact with the outside world.
Richard Nesbitt PhD of the University of Michigan whom has analyzed decades of intelligence research believes that too much credit is given to heritability's role in intelligence. Rather, he argues, that what's more important is the culture, social class and education. Thus, he encourages more educational emphasis to focus on seeking creative ways to nurture children's intelligence.
Simple things you can choose to do are to read aloud to them. Take walks with them to look, find and discover the world outside. Go to the library, attend the children's reading hour and let them pick books to explore. Expose them to interesting things and exciting places like the Museum, Big Game Alaska, or the Begich Boggs Visitor Center at Portage Glacier. Periodic trips to the zoo, plays or concerts like The Sound of Music or The Lion King. In Portland, where I came from, OMSI: The Oregon Museum of Science and Industry is a fabulous learning experience for all ages. Participating in these types of activities provides you with the opportunity to talk to your children about life; stimulate their inquisitive minds; and pose interest in open-ended questions as an integrated way to teach your children.
Get them involved in a wide variety of activities that develop motor skills and physical prowess. They can experience basic physical movement by introducing them to soccer, running, taekwondo, field events, gymnastics, or swimming. From these activities a child can pick and choose what they want to do and will have the ability to play more sports. Early focus on one sport tends to lead to burnout. (Dr. Shaun Galloway; University of WolverHampton United Kingdom; email 2009.)
As parents, believe what you say, because if you believe it, your children will believe you. Show them that doing hard work is productive and matters. Avoid praising them for their intelligence. If you do your children will take on less challenging tasks—because they do not want to risk failing to meet your expectation of how smart you say they are! Generally, praising your kids all the time makes them think you are evaluating them and they will figure out some way to thwart your belief. What you do want them to feel is appreciated for their effort and hard work.
When your child makes a mistake or does something wrong. Stop and think. Instead of criticizing them allow your child to try to make a correction. Let them continue to work on solving the problem., ask questions that will encourage them to try another strategy or realize what is wrong, until they come to recognize why what they are doing isn't working. If you give them the opportunity to find a solution you teach them a more effective way to learn. Challenge them to constantly improve upon their ability to reason, process and think critically.
“Ask Shirley” questions can be focused on any topics involving life, health, fitness, mental training, competition, clinical issues or addictions. Please, email your questions to Askshirl@gmail.com. All questions will remain anonymous.
Shirley K. Durtschi is an Applied Sport Psychology Certified Consultant (AASP-CC), a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Nationally Certified Addictions Counselor and Chemical Dependency Counselor Supervisor (CDCS) for the State of Alaska.
